Did you ever wonder whether your mother is a narcissist? Yes, she might be self-involved, talk too much, criticize your job, friends and appearance but is she really abusive?
How can you tell if your mother is a narcissist without needing to take her to counseling? From experience, it is not easy to find out such a thing, unless you have training in psychology or have researched about NPD for a long time.
After studying narcissism for over two years and talking to others who were raised by narcissists, I realized that one thing to watch out for at your mom is:
–her relationships with other people–
Look at her personal relationships. How does she talk about others and how does she treat those whom she pretends to care for?
If your mother is a narcissist, she will treat people in her life with little respect and consideration and this will produce conflict. She will talk badly about them behind their back. She will also put down those who are not in high-status jobs or make fun of them. For example, she might mock waiters or cleaners, or other service people. Narcissists treat service people with contempt and are rude to them.
Narcissists don’t have good relationships. Most of them are unhealthy and it’s because they want it to be this way. Narcissists love to create drama because of their traumatic past. They don’t feel at ease if their relationships don’t mirror the pain and struggle they had in their own families.
The writer at afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com thinks that narcissists thrive on drama because they need the attention. For them, even negative attention is good as a narcissistic supply. They create that much-needed chaos to protect the false self that they manufactured from an early age.
Of course, there are many other signs of narcissism, but the amount of drama in their relationships is very telling. Thus, if your mother has constant negativity going on around her and she actually thrives on it instead of being stressed out by it, it means she might suffer from a personality disorder.
Other traits of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) are a lack of empathy, engaging in emotional manipulation, constant criticism, and put-downs, a need to control others or an inconsistent behavior. To find other important narcissistic traits, check out my earlier post, 20 hidden traits of a narcissistic parent.
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Also, if you suspect that your father is a narcissist, you can replace the word ‘she’ or ‘mother’ with its masculine equivalent.