Your first relationship of your life is the most important you’ll ever have. Yes, you guessed it. It’s the relationship with your mother. Sigmund Freud would more than often link his clients’ neurosis with the way they were raised by their mommy. And he was often criticized for that.

Who would anyway wanna to be reminded that their emotional problems were modeled by their own mother?

But even if our mothers treated us right, we would still encounter difficulties in separating from her. Why? Well, because she is supposed to be the most important person in the world. I mean, really, there wouldn’t even be a world in the first place if women weren’t able to procreate.

Mothers are like gods, they are divine and omniscient. They can be found everywhere, in novels, movies, theater plays, poetry, paintings, songs or in the photos cluttering your mobile phone’s memory.

In the famous TV show. ‘The Sopranos’, mothers are described as buses or vehicles that bring us into the world. Then they continue their journey but us, the children, keep going after them, following them, trying to get back on the bus. We can’t let go.

And, yes, perhaps it is true. It is very hard to let go of the kind and nurturing person who brought you into this world. However, what happens if this person is toxic? What happens if the bus that brought you to the planet Earth has crashed into a tree and your limbs are all mangled now and your whole body is bleeding?

Are you still gonna like the ride? Are you still gonna hold this mother in high heavens?

Who am I am and what is this blog’s about?

My name is Marlena, I’m a graduate of Social Psychology and a writer living in southern Finland.

I started this blog due to my own (mommy) issues, trying to explain the very things that made my life a struggle: my panic attacks, the toxic relationship with my mother, anxiety or the feeling of hopelessness that so many people are familiar with.

The blog

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, with mental health challenges and that sort of stuff, this blog is for you. I didn’t start this blog to make money but to help and inform others of the challenges of being in a dysfunctional family. It is known that, these problems create a lot of stress and anxiety. Of course, I would like to monetize this blog but it will take a while until then.

What’s in it for you?

Education. Educating yourself about your own family problems, anxiety and mental health is the best thing you can do for yourself and your current family. If it wasn’t for the free information I got from You Tube, Psych Central or Psychology Today (plus other resources), my mental health would have been in a terrible state.

If you’re on this blog, my advice to you is to read a lot. Read as much as you can on the toxic family system, on narcissistic parents and siblings, on emotional abuse and ‘gaslighting’.

A brilliant book that helped me a lot was ‘Toxic parents: overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life’ by Susan Forward. Other notable books are ‘Will I ever be good enough?’ by Karyl McBride, ‘Healing the shame that binds you’ by John Bradshaw and ‘The gifts of imperfection’ by Brene Brown.

What can you do now?

Subscribe to my blog, read some articles that might interest you here and share them with others whom you think are in need of support. That would be great 🙂

One last thought

I wish you will overcome your challenges because, being an adult child of a narcissistic or toxic parent is a struggle not many can win. But you can do this. You’re strong enough to overcome the mental limitations that one is left with after abuse.

Keep reading, keep going to therapy and keep practicing a self-care routine daily. It will pay off! If you have some questions, you can address them at marlenamariabontas@gmail.com (my personal email) or marlena@okfreud.com (my official email)

Best of luck in your journey!


Photo: painting by Henri Francois Riesner, ‘Portrait of a mother with her daughter’, at Sinebrychoff museum, Helsinki, Finland.

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